Monday, October 22, 2007

*OLD* September 8th, 2005 Evening- Florida Marlins (better than the Phillies, but still not spectacular)

Same message, EXCITING NEW FORMAT! Features include:
Extra letters to my first name (-UA!)
New trips announced (Paraguay! PENGUINS!)
Uppercase letters (A..B..C!)
Exciting new punctuation marks (!!¿Ç)
New sources for secret insights into the universe (Sniffles! Hiking!)
Same information (!?¡¿)

To start off this great new email, an apology must go out for my previous phlop of a phillies inspired email (losers of 5 straight). It was a lack of judgment writing it at 4am. Actually, the real lack of judgment was watching the Agassi-Blake tennis match until two thirty am. The whole situation (Blake being up 2 sets to none then losing on a crazy 5th set tiebreaker) made a nighttime hike a must. I had to sort out the sordid implications of an older generation besting the new hip, bearded generation in 5 sets. It was like watching a horse-and-buggy come roaring back to overtake a Ferrari in a road race or seeing a man with a flamethrower get burnt by a man rubbing two sticks together. So, needless to say, the email was guaranteed to be a floozy.
So, I`ve spent the last 18 hours thinking it over, and I`ve come up with this great new edition. Actually, I spent 9 hours sleeping, 6 walking, 2 watching El Luchador (Cinderella Man), 30 minutes in a bus, and maybe 30 minutes typing this mug. So the old info is that I hiked the Pampas, saw a sunrise at 38 degrees south latitude, questioned my entire trip due to a thought on a twinkie, and decided I`m a wanderer.
Three new considerations come in here. One, complete strangers have stopped me in the hallways at the University of Buenos Aires to ask my advice on motorcycle rentals in rural towns and proper speeds to go down gravel roads after dark with limited lighting in northwestern Uruguay. Two, I realized I know bus routes in cities I`ve never been to (the 103 leaves Plaza Sarmiento and goes up the Costanera Norte in Rosario every twenty minutes, for example). Three, I know page numbers of almost every city in Paraguay, Argentina, southern Chile, and Uruguay in my Lonely Planet now without looking (Puerto Madryn...202. Corrientes? Bam, 224. I could even throw in San Martin de los Andes (353))
Now, the new trips announcements. I`ve discovered a boat that goes up the Rio Paraguay in, gasp, Paraguay, from Asuncion all the way to Fuerte Olimpio in the far north bordering Brazil. I will take a man from Tulane with me to explore said regions this month and sleep in hammocks on the deck whilst watching birds and such for two days.
Also, I`ve decided to push the limits of busriding, expanding my `bus-ness`from a measly eight hours to a mindboggling twenty hours. I feel I`m ready, but you never know. I`ve heard stories of people doing strange things after being stuck on a bus for twenty hours (that`s like going from Atlanta to DC and back without gas stops or waffle houses). I`m going to go see some penguins, whales, Welsh people (there`s a colony of them in Trelew), and other cool wildlife the last weekend of September. ! -exciting new punctuation!!
Now, for two deep thoughts to end this unprecedented second email within twentyfour hours. 1.Hiking- When I hiked Cerro Ventana, my left foot was my `lead` foot. It`d always go first - testing whether rocks were stable, soaring to tops of boulders, and being the first to touch the other side of the creek. After five hours or so of hiking, my left foot began to hurt on the ball of my big toe (the end of the arc or whatever), on the inside half. That`s when I realized: Leaders hurt on the inside. Masticate on that. (Caution, next part talks about snot)
2.Sniffles- On the aforementioned hike, I also had the sniffles. It was a constant thing; every 15 seconds or so, the snot would start to come and I`d sniffle again. It was really just a small thing, but always there. Then, I employed the `snot rocket` or outdoors kleenex method, and when I saw how much snot there actually was, I had a deep thought, because there is a lot...try it sometime. Anyhow, I obviously connected my sniffles with sin. You see, we always have temptations that are almost constant. Like the sniffle. Now, it seems like just a small deal. But, once you act on your temptation, ie snot rocket it, you realize this temptation you thought was just a small deal, is actually a lot bigger than you thought it was. Like sin. Yeah, chew on that as well.
So there you have it folks, a brand new edition of the same old stuff, sold at double the price. I hope this only has to be a one time deal and that my email writings won`t sink as low as the Phillies in the upcoming months. Thank you for hanging in there with me and may God bless America.

JoshUA! bULL!¡!

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